& did you know,
I never expected this to happen,
but I do,
I do like you (:
Sunday, October 16, 2005
thank you melody(: bowling turned out to be better than expected, the food was great and i had a good time. walking under the umbrella didn't help much, for we still got wet all the same, but that just made things more fun.
it's suddenly dawned on me that this was the first time that i've been out since exams, apart from the trips to the mall by myself or with my brother. plans were made before exams while in the midst of studying, to go out with friends, watch movies and have fun with friends. but yet now, after the exams, i rather stay at home. -the irony. as pathetic as it seems, i see no point in going all out in celebration when i know im gonna cry over my marks when i get them back. and as much of a loser i may seem to be, somehow i prefer rotting at home with a good book to read than hanging out with friends. socialising seems like a chore, i prefer to amuse myself on my own.
im panicking about receiving results tmr. it suddenly occured to me that the essay i wrote was completely out of point and totally did not answer the question. i had fever that day, but no way is mother going to allow to use that excuse for failing english and getting retained. it seems petty too doesn't it? oh rachel got a fever, that's why she did so poorly. i can just imagine my mother saying that with plenty of sarcasm in tow. i can hear her saying that, in my head. ugh, get that horrid voice out of me please. it's hopelessly useless to worry abou anythign now. everything is over and done with. i KNOW there's completely no use in worrying, and yet i fret so.
UGH, i just hate myself sometimes.
the exams have taken people away from the computer. they've taken people away from the phone, limited forms of communication with whom they rarely contact and only when they need a chat or need help to solve something.
i can't help but feel this is wrong, so terribly wrong. i rely on the one i should least rely on.
