& did you know,
I never expected this to happen,
but I do,
I do like you (:
Saturday, September 10, 2005
my mom thinks i waste money, waste food, waste clothes. that's about everything right. she might as well add in and say im a waste of space in this flat.
i dont think anyone's realised, but i really dont like borrowing money. even if it's less then a dollar, i just dont like it. it makes me feel worse then i already feel.
i hope steffi had a good time at ecp blading with jiayi and charlotte. she was calling me an idiot for not going, but osrry girl, there's no way im going. thanks for the invite though.
im not gonna save up for things that i WANT anymore. it's just gonna make mom have more reasons for saying that i waste money that we need so badly. i'll just give her back all the money i saved up during the hols, for her to use then.
isn't it good, that i dont feel like eating nowadays? save money, and save me from feeling bad from eating.
i think i've confused the feeling of being FULL after a meal, and being FAT. it's not my fault that im purposely being obsessedwith my weight ok. everytime i have a nice full meal, i immediately regret after that, and i feel absolutely fat.
in a way, im looking forward to school. school means skipping recess cos there's somuch work, and sometimes missing lunches too. next wk's gonna be the last week of trng till the exams are over, how on earth am i gonna keep those calories off?
im sorry for those who can't stand it everytime i mention that i feel fat. im truly sorry.
i know steffi gets annoyed. i dont blame her. i think samuel got a little annoyed too, im not surprised.
if it's any improvement, did any one notice that i didn't mention anyhting to do with being fat or my weight in the last 2 posts? i controlled myself. and now, im just letting go, i can't just keep everythign within me.
my mother thinks that my clothes are a waste, because i can't fit into them. doesn't she know that people grow?
last time everytime something major happened at home, i would call steffi. i'd cry buckets over the phone, and talk to her until i felt much better. sometimes, i'd spill some stuff to samuel as well. now, i dont want to do either.
thanks for all the hints melody. i've finally guessed it after 8 days aye(: and thanks for the gift again, now that i know why you gave that to me. thanks, it was nice of you (: <3love, see you around(:
