& did you know,
I never expected this to happen,
but I do,
I do like you (:
Monday, September 12, 2005
i've got a bad cold. i sneezed 5 times at 5.45AM. i felt like sneezing the whole day at school, but the sneeze wouldn't come.
i hardly think why i cry is ANY of my mothere's business. even IF it is her business, i dont want to tell her.
how's this. i dont want to talk.
im very sorry syu. im very very sorry. i feel so bad. you wanted to know so badly what was wrong with me. you followed me down to the 2nd level, even though your friends were still busy in my class. im so sorry syu. it's not that i dont want to tell you. i've not told anyone. i just really dont feel like speaking.
and steffi, im sorry for not being able to go over your place. i think you know that im not allowed to go out during school term, no matter what's the public holiday. im sorry. but even if i could, i really wouldn't want to. im sorry ok. i just dont feel like going anywhere. im sorry. it's not that i dont want to go to your house and have fun with your family and friend, it's just that i dont feel like going out, im sorry.
everything's riverting back to the previous terms ; when i cldn't sleep at night, spent a long time tossing and turning.
i woke up at 1.45am this early morning. i dont know why. i spent the next 35 mins staring at my ceiling fan, seeing how the blades turn.
i hate this. i can't wait for all this to be over. i can't wait. more then anythign else right now, i want this to be over. soon. please. please.
according to my mom, i shuold be grateful that i have food for dinner, instead of putting back half of the rice she gives me into the rice cooker everynight just because im not hungry. she then proceeded to tell me how lucky i was, compared to those children in 3rd world countries.
someone tell me, what the heck can i do if i just dont feel like eating. it's not my bloody fualt alright.
and yes i admit, i do think im fat. so what. my whole life everyone in the family compared me to my cousins. "rachel was such a fat chubby baby. look at her thighs, so much bigger then her cousins" and that was during CNY. im so sick and tired of hearing all this. im not allowed to call my brother "skinny" but he's allowed to call me "fat".
even my mom and dad have said that i've got BIG legs. oh and my brother went on to tease, "yea and a fat butt too!".
so there you have it. samuel, fat is not a fragment of my imganation. it's me. i am fat.
i dont know why i included the "fat" part to this post. everything just came out.
so i shall get my big fat ass and legs of the com chair, and go pack my bag.
