Saturday, August 06, 2005

i went to steffi's house to get clothes to wear for national day. i finally found something that doesn't make me look 5 MONTHS PREGNANT :D i wont say much, just that it's an indian top. HAHA. i can't wait to see what everyone else is wearing. and i've decided to wear it TO school instead of only when i REACH school. thanks steffi (:

i was thinking about last night. a conversation that made a lot of sense.

everyone's got a mask. no one wears their heart on their sleeves, for the whole wide world to see. no one announces their troubles and worries, for the whole wide world to hear. we keep it to ourselves, and our close friends to know.

no matter how hard you try to hide everything, little slips here and there, will eventually give you away. it's just a matter of time, before someone notices. initially that may not seem like a good thing, but sometimes, just sometimes, it may be good.

well last night for example, the mask came off. slowly, layer by layer. it's not that i purposely want to hide anything, it's just that i dont see the point in letting other people know. but somehow i felt better after talking about it.

for so long i've tried to push it to the back of my head, and it took a long while before i stopped to think abou it so often. then something happened, that made all those thoughts resurface once more. i've always felt thae same way, nothing had actually changed. it's just that i chose to push to the furthest corner of my mind in hope that it wouldn't trouble me.

finally last night, i poured everything out. i know myself well enough, to know that i can't just forget everything.

i wont delete it from my memory, i can't. i'll just shift it to one side, and carry on.

i've thought about telling the truth before, many times in fact. but i know that if i were to, i'll have more to lose.

friendship comes before everything else. it's the basis of everything, in fact. i know if i were to tell the truth, there'd be a strain between the both of us. and that i do not want.

so i'll continue to be the good, caring friend i've always been. helping in times of trouble, caring when in need.

how true, where's the sense in dealing with issues you know you'd never be able to deal with on your own. it all boils down to, time.

i'll leave whatever there was, hanging there. and maybe, just maybe, i'll pick it up once more later on.

for the past month, my mask had been wearing out. tiny cracks became larger, it's colour was getting paler. i KNEW very well, then soon, it'd come off. true enough, last night it did.

i kept thinking about things last night, tossing and turning on my bed. i think i've made the right decision, for once, and im gonna stick to it.

/till it breaks again, the mask is on(:

2:18 PM