Sunday, October 03, 2004

it's over.

it's over. i don't have any regrets over my action. it took a lot or courage to do that. im still feeling pretty miserable. but there's a sense of relief. it's ok to wait fer things tt are worth yoo'r wait. but sumtimes during tt period of waiting, it's either tt yoo'r patience runs out, or yoo get hurt along the way. or jus both. waiting hasn been easy. even tho it's hard to get over. i rather suffer now then later. if im sensitive then yoo'r insensitive. simple. frankly, rite now. i've got a stinging wound. it's gonna take a while to heal. but like all wounds. no matter how long they take to heal. they eventually will. i jus hope another wound opens up before this one heals. im happy jus the way i m. =)

i followed my heart. i followed the truth. i followed what i thought was rite. i followed what my brain told me to do. tt's y it's called self-inflitcted pain. there's no telling lies. i noe myself best tho sumtiems i hafta consult ppl. haha. i noe how i feel best.

fer a while ytdae. i gave myself a fright. i wasn sure whether i was certain abt what i was thinking. but it certainly shocked me to think tt such a thot was actually in my head. until now. i still m not sure. but im not too concerned abt tt. cos sooner or later, i'll b able to noe better. even if the thot tt came into my head ytdae turns out to b true. i wont' b surprised. but i highly doubt it isn.

nothing's impossible. everything and anything is possible. why do people tend to jump to conclusions or make their own guesses if they cld jus actually wait and ask. are they too shy? too stoopid? or too kiasu? it's only logical to hear what yoo wanna hear frm the horses mouth. but noooo. few actually ask the person/ppl involved. assumptions jus lead to messes. assumptions is jus digging yoo'r own grave. sumtimes we make assumptions to cheer ourselves up and make our hopeless situations haf sum hope. we make assumptions so tt we noe there'll b a ray of light at the end of our dark tunnel. sometimes ppl assume bcos they want to run away frm the truth. most of the time, the truth is nv pleasant.

we run away frm the truth bcos it hurts, bcos it stings, bcos we jus don't wanna belive it. running away from the truth is running away from reality. many a times when we encounter problems tt appear to b totally non-solve-able, we jus wanna run away frm everything. run away frm reality. run away frm the responsibility of having to deal and try to sort out and solve everything. we very well noe tt running away doesn solve everything. but sumtimes running away fer a short while does help. it gives us a break frm the sucky reality tt we live in. and when we pop ourselves back into the mess, all clear-headed, we figure everything out much faster.

i took a break before. i thought abt things. i understood the reality. the truth stared right into my face. i wanted to accept. but sumhow it took a while before it sank in. after a wk, i decided to jus go along wif things. i knew the worst wld come. i was prepared. n i was right. the worst did come. the worst is here. but i can still smile. i can still laugh. i used to think tt my ray of light at the end of my dark tunnel was what-i-was-waiting-fer. but now i noe.

my ray of light at the end of this terribly dark tunnel, is all my frens arnd me. i cannot imagine myself gg through the same thing without anyone arnd me to help me. my ray of light is my ray of hope. frens who listen to me fer hours. hearing me ramble. some falling asleep on the fone. [hmph. ]. those who listen to me cry. those who comfort me. those who clear my head. those who make me smile. those who make me laff. tt's y i love all my frens. //hugs// =))) [awwww. aren't i sweet. k i'll shut up. hee.]

im supposed to b studying. but here i m bloggin. wad's new aye? but i feel much much much better now. so i think bloggin helped. i fergot to mention one important thing tt totally sucks! fer exams. the sitting arrangement. im sitting rite in front. rite in front. when on earth haf i set all the way in front? sighh. there goes all my sleep. how to sleep when im right in front? i need my sleep. im being deprived of sleep, now tt i hafta sit righti n front. hopefully, we can sit back at our original places fer monday n tues. then sc paper on wed. im dead. chin paper one on thurs. hopefully i won't die so badly. then lit on fri. i rather the lit paper haf more unseen stuff. then i'd haf more excuse to do badly. i need to shuddup man. haha. maths on mon. dead-ed. chin paper 2 on tues. dead-ed-ed. i shld b a cat. with 9 lives. but i hate cats. cats n their green/yellow/freaky/eww/terrible eyes. hehe.

im starting to go crazy. tt's one sure sign tt im feelign better.

hey clairee, my dear cousin. heh. if yoo'r reading this. good luck fer yoo'r As k. all the bestttt. don't worry i won't do anything stoopid. i noe better. hehhh. =)))

i highly suspect tt after exams, teasing will b even worse. n i'll b pressured ot agree. haha. all in the name of fun rite? i'll probably agree. tt's if im asked at the correct time/mood. ahahahahahakx. how many ppl can tell when im really in the right mood? very fewwwww.

i shall go n study now. shittss. im dead. hmmm.

i wanna watch the stars at night. i wanna watch the waves and the sea, sitting on a sandy beach. nothing but me, a few frens and the starts/water. i totally like my new dp. it's this blue tear drop. diff shades of blue. tt's wad makes it so nice. it seems so peaceful. nice toning. fading effect. fading emotions. fading anger. fading friendship. fading love. faded love.

1:50 PM