Friday, January 20, 2006
hello, i know i've not blogged for ages. haha, but today's post ain't gonna be long either.
how was i supposed to expect the unexpected.
now i know how they felt, 'cos im feeling it too.
the diet&starvation plan to help me lose weight shall commence next monday. everyone, please dont tempt me with food/sweets, etc. thanks.
im screwed. i fell right into the trap.
8:25 PM
Thursday, January 05, 2006
i've finally understood the importance of panadol. those hotpink pills helped me survive today, seriously. horrid cramps. ughh.
i got caught for chewing gum in class, stupid mrs loe. and i still dont know how to blow the damn bubble lah.
AISYAH :D thanks for the present! (:
my eyecandy & those morning glances(: the paranioa suffocates ; & i really can't wait(:
HER(:
5:38 PM
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
so, school's started.
first day of school, ytday, was nothing much of course. all that i needed any adjusting to was climbing all the way up to the 4th floor which is awfully tiring, and not having the toilet right next to the classroom anymore, which is a real pity. having the toilet next door is really nearby, apart from the obvious reasons like when oyu really need to use the bathroom, stalling time away from class and chitchatting outside the toilet at the watercooler can be quite fun. now all we have next door is 4e6 and 1e6.
i guess the teachers and FMs that we got are quite ok. we could've gotten worse teachers, so i guess we're quite lucky.
the radio forecast said it was gonna be a RAINY AFTERNOON. it was the bloody opposite please! i should SUE them, horrid people. coach came in a horrible temper, and she looks even fiercer now that she dyed her hair reddish brown. she accepted my MC so grudgingly that i thought she'd throw it back at my face or smth. trng was horrible as usual, but even tougher then when i last trained. and the sun was HOT HOT HOT.
i came back all super burnt. i couldn't sleep well last night since my lips and cheeks hurt from being sunburnt. oh hell yeah, my LIPS were sunburnt.
i dont know whether to say today's class outing to bond ( though i dont think we bonded at all ) was a complete waste of my time, or a day of relaxed SUNBURNT fun. i guess it was a mixture of both. the games wep layed were silly, but the forfiets were funny as long as i didn't have to do them. the food was good, and after that it was pretty much do whatever you want time.
we ( linyi, fawn, viv&i) headed down to the beach to throw stones into the water and watch them skip. STUPID lah. my stones wont skip at all! and viv&linyi's could skip up to like 3 times please! even fawn made hers skip twice! ROAR. we hid viv's slipper! haha, and then we buried the other! HAHA! :D later on, after all the playing in the water, linyi had this brainwave to go get her pinafore. before she even reached the pinafore, she got shoved into the water! and viv ended up having the same fate since she didn't react fast enough to MOVE AWAY -.-
im starting to ache form trng only now, so everytime i move, it's OW OW OW. and my face and lips hurt like hell too, even though i've already used up all the ice in the house icing every burnt bit of skin on my face. i've made another batch of ice in the freezer, but it's not frozen yet, so in the meantime i must be careful and not scrunch up my face or do anything funny to make my face hurt even more. even when i SNEEZED, ooh my face hurt, like OWWW OWWW OWWW.
and how unfair is this please! it rained TODAY, but couldn't rain ytday, not even any cloud cover lah! so since it rained today, i dont know whether it'll rain TMR : / ROAR.
i keep telling myself to put my odt into my bag, i really hope i dont forget. shucks. and do lessons start tmr? the timetable on the sch's website is so colourful and complicated lah! stupid viv didn't bring my timetable for me today! HMPH.
anyway, my mom's being such a irritating nag. she's nagged at my brother ever since he got home from school, till i've to shout at her because it's really not my brot'her's fault. she's treating my bro like he's p4 or smth! like WTH. mike and i figured she nags at him because there's no other younger sibling of our for her to nag at. last itme mike and i used to be at loggerheads like ALL THE TIME, now im always on his side shouting at my mom for him.
PLEASE LET IT RAIN TMR. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
thankyou(: if it really does rain tmr, i promise to not sleep in class for the first week of school! :D
/im hiding, & im not gonna let anyone find me.
4:49 PM
Monday, January 02, 2006
hello 2006, goodbye 2005. i still can't believe that it's 2006 already.
im not excited about school tmr. it'll be nice to see all the familiar faces of everyone now again, but what else is there to look forward to? i beg all staff of tkgs to make their new year welcome back to school lectures short tmr.
and there's trng tmr! the first day of school really can't get any worse. dad said that my attitude towards trng has totally changed like 180degrees. oh well .. what can i say? things change, people change, i change.
i used to think sec 4 was ages away. and tmr, i'll have to climb all the way up to the fourth floor and be sec 4.
i called syu up today, mainly to whine to her about how much i was dreading trng. and i must say, i like talking to syu on the phone (: i dont know why, but she's so nice to talk to on the phone, haha. i can talk to her about anything at all, and apart from the occasional very adverse reactions from her, i know i can still count on her to give me a proper opinion about things. (:
somehow, i feel that the holidays went by much faster then usual. maybe because there was extended studies in early november, then i was busy with trngs and tuitions. i did go out, but hardly. i only went to town once, i only watched 3 movies. all those plans of going out and having fun with steffi soon disappeared, until now, i still dont know why.
it's been raining quite often of late, almost everyday in fact. mostly, it'll rian at night/early morning, then the rest of the day will be pretty dry and hot. PLEASE, let tmr afternoon's weather be humane, thank you.
my mother told me that her friend's daughter enrolled in some institution instead of going to JC/poly for the first 3 months through her prelim results. i can't rmb what this school is called, but it's for those people who dont do well enough in their prelims to get into any JC or Poly. my mom was talking to me about the school as though i was enrolling in it next month! ooh, it's really comforting to know that my mom doesn't think i can make it to JC.
ok, so it's back to getting up at 5plus every morning, and not sleeping till the wee hours of the morning. it's back to rushing homework, and mugging nonstop.
and im still as bothered about my weight as in 2005.
and it's square one all over again.
8:10 PM
Thursday, December 29, 2005
i shouldn't have gotten so angry and upset, but i did. and i ended up getting so angry and upset that my bloody fever got worse and got my temp up.
sriously, what the fuck is her problem? is it MY FAULT that i fell sick? is it MY FAULT that i had emath classes everyday so i missed loads of trng? MY FAULT MY FAULT MY FAULT. i say i dont care if she drops me from the list of B Div players, or if she sacks me from vicecapt. i do care, but i can't do much about it.
oh WHAT THE HELL am i talking about?
i know im really unwanted, so i wont even turn up to support the team at tmr's much. all the best.
oh fuck, i've got a headache again.
8:09 PM
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
YEAH, im finally 15 (:
THANKYOU ; to eunice, melody & amanda for their presents
&
to aisyah for accompanying me to lavender to go do my IC.
melody, you ALREADY got me a present so no need to get me anything else please! and aisyah, you dont have to get me anything either! :D
im dreading training tmr. everyone please PRAY HARD that it storms & rains SUPER HEAVILY at SCHOOL tmr so that our training is either cancelled or we've gotta do PT. if it does rain& pour tmr, i swear i'll love everyone who prayed! hahaha :D
tuition's tmr in the afternoon i think, i've gotta go finish up my emaths!
Aanyway, thankyou loads for the BIRTHDAY WISHES/TAGS&PRESENTS. i love y'all <33
and dear syu, im not gonna ask anything at all ok! if not the person may suspect what we're trying to get at! you dont have to believe my inference about it lah, but im pretty sure i AM right ok! haha, see you SOON :D p.s kindly dont flirt anymore, thankyou(:
say oohlala(:
3:20 PM
Monday, December 26, 2005
tmr's the 27th! and tmr i shall turn 15 1742h(:
but very sadly, i have to wake up at 7am tmr to go to school! : ( ROAR. stupid stupid stupid.
mummy's buying me a chocolate cake :D :D :D i shall eat first & enjoy before worrying about those CALORIES.
heymath is driving me CRAZY. i spent the whole afternoon today doing emath set 2. but at least everything's done, except for some that i dont know.
sweet(:
6:22 PM
Friday, December 23, 2005
HAHA, viv's christmas card finally came ! :D if it sounds like i simply couldn't wait for card & its sticker cos i've been having a pathetic pre christmas and not receiving any cards, well then you're wrong! i was lookingvery much forward to her card, becasue i couldn't wait to find out what that qian bian sticker was! :D
for starters, the card in a really colourful envelope! that qian bian sticker was right on the front! OH MY lah! cute sticker viv, but NO i dont miss you! [:then i opened the card, and my first reaction was WOAH ; written in green, i quote:
" I KNOW YOU MISS ME. YOU KNOW YOU MISS ME WE BOTH KNOW YOU MISS ME"
my brother saw it, and he went " eh! you got boyfriend ah? "
and vivienne lim! i DONT live in SELF-DENIAL ok! like, hello?! and i know my chinese is poor lah, but i DO know that shushu means UNCLE ok! please, i think i knew that word like since kindergarten lah!
no school = no viv? HAHAHAHA. everyone, go "AWWW"
oh! and viv happened to be the first person to wish me happy birthday (: THANYOU viv! [: and the telephone you drew was cute btw(:
I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING ; almost this WHOLE POST has to do with viv, hahaha.
anyway, thanks for the christmas card viv! it's too late for me to send you one, so MERRY CHRISTMAS to you [: school's starting real soon, so see you soon then! (:
(:
6:07 PM
Thursday, December 22, 2005
HELLO :D i just i haven't updated for TEN days! haha, that must be the longest i've not blogged so far. besides, not many people read it, so no harm done.
i've officially wasted my WHOLE holidays by not touching ANYTHING at all apart from doing my tuition math hmwk, and yet i dont feel guilty one teeny weeny bit.
it's two days to xmas EVE and just THREE more days to CHRISTMAS! :D so a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone(: i love you all to bits! <3
it's gonna be my BIRTHDAY soon! and GUESS WHAT. im gonna be spending it in SCHOOL all because of a stupid cca promotion/sec 1 orientation meeting. AH GREAT, i can't make up my mind whether or not to pon it. and even if i DO pon it, i've got no plans to go out anyway. : /
my my (:
6:18 PM
Monday, December 12, 2005
this past weekend was real fun and super super tiring!
we had a bbq at joel's new place (mike's friend) on sat evening. the potato salad was absolutely delicious :D bbqing was fun, and very smoky. i had a cup of really good wine :D :D too bad, i was just limited to ONE cup only :( there were quite a few other parents around, so all the parents were seated down at oen tahble yakking away.
sunday was really the highlight of my weekend actually. the whole family went out for lunch and met up with dad's old colleague and their family. they're australians, from melbourne! they've got 2 kids, laura whose 15 as well, and daniel whose 13 going on 14 next january. OH MY, daniel's only 2 years my jnr and he's like SO TALL AND BIG! ok, not that big, but big for a 13 yrold. aaaaannnd, he's SUPER SUPER GOOD LOOKING! :D :D :D :D hahaha (:he didn't really talk much, pretty shy i guess. then again, only the parents did much of the talking, the rest of us just listened in and laughed along [: aaah, too bad, they're going back to melbourne tmr morning, so there's no chance of meeting up with them again.
i had so much trouble getting up for this morning's run at bedok today, im still so tired! amanda and i ran together, super slowly! hahah, we were laughing and talking away. my ankle hurt like after the 4th round, and it hurt really bad ok. i stopped running and walked a bit to ease the pain, and she walked with me too! :D but at least we finished it by running, and not walking [: i know we took super super long, like 20mins or smth? haha!
i was SO SO SO tired when i came home today. i finally had my POWER NAP of 3 hours :D hahaha.
oh you just gotta wait, love ain't no easy, it's a game of give and take (:
6:50 PM
Saturday, December 10, 2005
finally, we had a family gathering yesterday ; sam, me, laura&cherrie. :D it was really fun, we walked around a lot and took NEOS! i dont know why dont they ever translate all the japanese stuff into english so people can actually UNDERSTAND what they're supposed to do. we were so captured by the stupid "aces day" thingy! haha, we kept looking at it till we didn't know that it was already time to take the shot! so that first photo turned out really : / HAHA. we didn't have time to think of poses or stuff, so everything was really impromtu! for one shot, cherrie and laura decided to cover sams's eyes and mine! i think that was the NOISIEST shot of all, everyone was SCREAMING! and when we came out after taking the neos, everyone was staring like .. what on earth was going on inside! HAHA. and there's SO LITTLE space for everyone to squeeze in to write whatever you want on the neos! ugh.
before taking neos, we had lunch at the food court. cherrie and i had beef noodles which were absolutely FILLING. sam was like this food machine ! he finished his own mee pok, and finsihed off everyone else's food! and PLEASE lah! i did eat my food ok! but there was just SO SO MUCH!
ooh, and i've almost convinced my mom to let me pierce my ears! yu, so once she gives me the go ahead, then i'll call sam and we can both go and pierce! :D
bbq later, all the way at CLEMENTI, so far!
i wanted to touch some of my heymath today, but after doing TWO questions, i got too lazy and gave up. : / howhowhow? i've still got so much left! haha.
15 days to christmas! i can't wait (:
2:59 PM
Monday, December 05, 2005
HELLO SAM! :D hahaha, i met sam outside GV at tm today. AEON FLUX was good! well, the story line was creative and pretty original i guess although i didn't find it really interesting, but the computer graphics was cool. :D
the week ahead looks like it's gonna be a busy one! amath tuition tmr, run/fitness on wed, out with michelle on thurs, out with sam, cheryl&laura on fri after run, bbq at joel's with family on sat, out with steffi, jiayi&charlotte on sun. i NEED $$$$$. sponsors anyone? [:
i think my ankle's getting better :D it doesn't hurt so now. maybe i'll be able to run by wed (:
and it turns out that i've already read BLONDE AMBITION lah! dang it.
i need to give up (:
5:41 PM
Sunday, December 04, 2005
it's been quite a few days since i last updated, nothing much has happened i guess, except for us beating junyuan sec 43-34! :D the holidays are slipping by real fast, sheesh. we've got less then ONE month left to school, to being sec FOURS. : / i dont WANT to be sec 4, ugh.
somehow i feel that once it's dec 22nd, the days would just fly by. mike guets his posting results on 22nd, hopefully he gets into sji and not tkss. i'll just FAINT if he has to end up there. then 23rd he gets to go to his new school. 25th xmas, 27th my bday, 29th my grandma's bday .. then the start of 2006 is just round the corner.
i finally printed out all my heymath work, there's SO MUCH TO DO! 60 bloody questions, and im not math whiz please. OHMY. and i've done like er .. 2 amath questions and about 7 emaths ones? oh man, im so dead.
my ankle's fickle-minded! one day it hurts just a little, the next day it doesn't hurt at all, then the day after it hurts like shit again! at least the swelling's down, it just HURTS. oh, and there's run in the morning at bedok stadium tmr plus 3 sets of fitness. mom says if it hurts too bad, dont go. well, that makes good sense.
i went to pasir ris library just now with mike, and i found BLONDE AMBITION ; ALIST! like, FINALLY i see another alist book! YAY! :D :D i couldn't find any ALIST at first, then just as i was about to go home, i turned around and the bok was just STARING at me. OH! they've upgraded the borrowing counters too. takes up less space and all, quite nice. normally the card slots down vertically right? this time the machine's card slot is horizontal, and my card kept SLIPPING OUT! i dunnoe why my card is EXTRA SKINNY or smth, but every 2 books it'll just slip out and the receipt will shoot out at me when i didn't remove my card -.- so finally some guy came to help me, he shoved a white blank card in to stop it from moving. STUPID CARD lah.
mmhmmh, i thought jiayi, charlotte, steffi and i were supposed to go shopping or smth this week. funny thing is, no one called me, and the week's already up. ah well, i can't do much window shopping with my ankl hurting so much anyway.
im watching CHICKEN LITTLE tmr! :D my birthday movie treat from michael! he's paying $5 of my ticket, better then nothing! [:
oh YAY! im meeting michelle on thursday, finally! it's so hard to find time when both of us are free to meet up. i've got trng and tuitions, while she's got prefect meeting, guides and debate. i hope thursday comes real SOON :D
oh yeah, and syu? rmb what we talked about on the bus? just PLEASE dont even consider hating me if .. well.. yknow.. ok?
i realised i've not talked to lynette for ages. i tried to call her twice, but she never picks up. poots.
they met. 4 days straight. her place. movie marathon-ed. i should just give up.
4:12 PM
Friday, December 02, 2005
RACHEL... my dear lao po.. tsk tsk..
you're a html genius aye? :D
always remember.. CLOSE YOUR TAGS.. or.. COPY AND PASTE PROPERLY.. ^ ^
or they'll overlap into your other stuffs which screw things up. *ahem* i will have to give you a lesson in html when i get back. which will be TOMORROW!! (:
wheeeeee *~*~*~*~*~
5:21 PM
Tuesday, November 29, 200540mins53s (:
thankyou :D
trng was in the morning yesterday, and the sun was SO HOT! i dont know why, but i just hate trngs in the morning, i just feel too sleepy. i didn't rush out of the house or anything, but yet i forgot to bring my TOWEL, JACKET and SHOEBAG! PFFFFFFFFT. i cleverly froze on bus31 all the way to school, such a long journey somemore! : (
i didn't get to play in any of the 5on5 since i sprained my right ankle while doing coach's "test". i felt so bad, cos i made syu do so much running up and down and i know she was tired, i was! by the time i got home, my ankle had swollen up to the size of a nice round tomato, and my face was like some super red lobster. ugh. at least all the icing ytday helped, it's not swollen anymore but still hurts.
i still havent watched my harry potter yet! RARH. i wanted to watch ytday, but i couldn't get out of the house with my leg hurting like that. i wanted to watch this morning but there wasn't enough time since i've got tuition later. i shall watch tmr after trng, and HOPEFULLY nothing else screws up my plans again.
no calls this morning, i suppose that means everything went well (:
and i can't get you out of my head.
11:14 AM
Sunday, November 27, 2005
BWAHAHAHA, i've got 7th sense! :D
what with all the going out today, i didn't have time to NAP. but nvm, im so HIGH now, i dont need any nap, i've got adrenalin that will keep me going till tmr for training.
the phone didn't RINGRING today, i made it RINGRING on the other end this time! and we chatted cos i was BORED, haha! (:
im planning to watch harry potter at TM after trng in the afternoon tmr. i hope it's not too freaky, cos im all alone! poots lah!
anyway, i borrowed BRIDE&PREJUDICE on the way home from the library with mike today, plus MADGASCAR! :D i can't wait to watch them and laugh my head off.
oh and know what! the BATTLE OF THE BULGE has begun! and for ONCE i've gotten pass the FIRST day of a diet! :D hopefully i can lose all those extra kilos, ugh!
mmhmm, jt's got a quiz for me to do, nvm i'll do it another day kay jt! and DO go for tuition lah! :D
it's exactly ONE more month to my birthday! [:
:D
5:37 PM
Saturday, November 26, 2005
my stomach's finally back to normal! no more diarrhoea for me thankyou! BYE food poisoning. stupid food poisoning had me out of trng yesterday, and trng looked so fun and i had to miss it!
mike and i stayed up to watch HITCH on vcd last night. it was SO FUNNY! we were laughing non stop throughout the show, i swear. HAHAHA, the part where Alex Hitch was trying to get Albert what'shisname to kiss him at the door step, and Albert REALLY kissed him! that got both of us rolling on the floor. BWAHAHA.
oh, and if i sound hyper, it's cos the phone rang ytday. :D :D :D :D :D :D although i was told to "can you please call dawn for me?", i was still grinning like a friggin idiot who just won a million bucks or smomething. and that bloody dawn didn't even pick up my call anyway, hehh, so i had another chance to call back and say that she didn't pick up.
just thinking about it makes me GRIN like some stupid thing again. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
dont you just love it when the phone suddenly goes "RING RING" (:
10:45 AM
Thursday, November 24, 2005
and so im back to square one, but with a slight difference this time. now, i want to MAKE my self FAT, so that i can HATE myself for being FAT, then i can STARVE myself and skip meals and all to try and lose the bloody weight. and of cos as always, i'll hardly manage to lose any weight. all this would then give me a better reason to hate myself and self hurt, which in turn would satisfy this unusual craving i have for pain.
oh fuck, im so screwed.
and to top it all off, my brother had to proudly annoy me by announcing that he'd scored 243 for psle which obviously topped my 237 score.
AND, to make everything worse, i've got trng tmr.
oh bloody fucking hell.
6:29 PM
Wednesday, November 23, 2005and tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
one without a permanent scar.
-Drops of Jupiter
finally, the sun's come out today. it rained for the past day and night. it's a pity there wasn't any lightening and thunder. i just love the sky when it's all dark and stormy, then i see those streaks of lightenings and hear those clap of thunder rumbling in the distance.
the clouds are rolling in again. i've got a sneaky feeling it's gonna rain again later. let's hope it rains just as trng begins :D
i've not been online for ages now. i can't be bothered to talk to anyone online anyway. and my msn always screws up just as im about to start conversations with - . it just ANNOYS me to death. the other time, - came online and then my msn chose to sign me out. ROAR.
michael's psle results are coming out tmr. mom asked me to go with her and him to his sch and then everyone can go out for lunch together. it's either VS or SJI for him apparently.
im in such a weird state of mind. i was not crying, i was neither sad nor depressed, but yet i managed to pick it up and press it against my hand till it left a slight mark. i thought i'd never be capable of such things, but now it seems so easy to cut myself.
i think i'll call tmr. there's no harm in it, besides, i do need to rant some stuff at someone.
/ooze the blood
11:09 AM
Monday, November 21, 2005
it's been a while since i've blogged, mmhmm.
the weather's been horrid of late, it's either too hot or too cold. and it makes my nose go AH CHOO like crazy.
alright, anyone wanna go watch harry potter with me, now that steffi can't go? oh well, going by myself isn't such a bad idea actually.
/my craving.
8:41 PM
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
i got so mad today that i bit into my lip so hard it cracked and bled.
how weird, i was supposed to me viv & alison at 7am at tamp interchange to take bus to go to school together but we ended up not being able to find each other even though we were supposedly standing at the SAME PLACES AT THE SAME TIME! oh my, how weird. i got there at 7:04 and waited and waited. i saw SO MANY 291s pass by, but no viv got down from them. i didn't see a glimpse of alison either. there were only 2 other green humans there, they were sec 1s and they went off to take the mrt instead after meeting each other. WEIRD.
today was HANGMAN day! my whole bio worksheet has scribbles all over it, form hangman games to the whole stream of alphabetes from a to z written by (who else) viv. :D she attempted to write down numbers to, but ended up not being able to count up to 10 correctly. and viv came up with things like TRICUSPID VALVE for me to guess, ROAR. it took me AGES lah! and with jingchun's help somemore! i made her guess the D-MONSTER! HAHAHA.
horrible canteen, none of the stalls were open. pfft. i went without recess and breakfast today, and my tummy was growling like mad. i paid some attention in emath, angle properties are quite fun actually :D and somewhere in the middle of the lessons, the talk about white school shoes began between mrs loy and viv. HAHH, why must she bother to spot the SOLES of people's shoes when even dear MDM KHOO doesn't bother?
yasmin and viv were making so much noise, singing all sorts of stupid songs. so noisy lah viv! HAHA, horrid! then i got pissed with someone in class about someting, and decided to just shut my mouth for the rest of the lesson. oh well.
i dont know what got into my head, but on the way home, i decided to eat a BAG OF CHIPS to stem the hunger. and i ate so much for lunch and dinner today, i feel like all that food can last me for another WEEK of smth! ROAR.
im dreading trng like hell. apparently coach thought that i wanted to quit the team or smth, cos i've been absent for so long. why didn't anyone have the sense to tell her im down for EMATH extended studies which is EVERYDAY?
8:58pm and im tired.
emath test tmr, and so many people from the same row are ponning. there's only gonna be me left with the 4 malay girls ? joy, viv, yasmin & mel all ponning, leaving me all alone. thankyou very much.
oh anyway, fawn! enjoy the a list books ok! happy working, dont worry. i dont miss your [: one bit!
and viv, i wanna see purpple hair. hahaha. HANGMAN! :D
/let's slit.
8:43 PM
Monday, November 14, 2005
:D that warren peace guy is really good looking. hehe.
11 colourful clips on my head today, and mrs loy didn't even catch me! zhenglaoshi couldn't stop staring at me though, and mrs ang asked me whether each clip colour represented something!
ever felt that everything was so unfair, that all you wanted to do was to scream and shout, and cry your eyes out?
and you no longer run from the pain, instead you want it even more.
pain never seemed more appealing.
taste the pain, and let the blood drip.
8:46 PM
Friday, November 11, 2005
finally, i can access blogger again. blogskins.com is still unaccessible on this com, strange.
i was late for school today. i think that's like the 2nd time in my entire 13 years of schooling so far, excluding kindergarten. i got out of the house late, took the bus to the interchange late, took 31 to school [and that's such a long journey], so naturally i was late. :D no clipping the crocodile clip to mel's pinafore today, since viv didn't come and yasmin was sitting beside her. no fawn to make scary faces at me today, and no viv to pull at my shirt sleeve, yay.
so steffi and i went to watch Just Like Heaven. typical plot of a love comedy, tragedy in the beginning then guy saves girl and they live happily ever after. but it was enjoyable(: we walked a lot, all over marina square and suntec. we went into Billabong at marina square and got superly irritated with the sale guy. he followed us EVERYWHERE, and kept butting in! we told him we were just BROWSING THANKYOU, but NO he didn't get the hint that we just wanted to be left alone. ROAR.
i found a nice pencil case from The Wallet Shop! and it's only $8.90, MARVELLOUS. i dont have to spend a bomb on it :D
Levi's jeans cost $169.90! INSANE.
my computer time is up. shit.
goodnight.
8:33 PM
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
i was such a good girl today :D i did not sleep in ss! and i went for chem. HAHA :D my baobei chem tys is with viv now, haha.
eeps, i ate too much today. AHHHHH :(
and viv. STOP calling me INSULIN! that's NOT my name ok! ROAR! and please lah, i didn't phsycho you to pon anything ok! dont talking nonsense!
jiayi should have wished me more luck, and i should have prayed harder right melody! :D HAHAHA.
ohmygoodness, what is going on! this is SCARY. please, dont let me have nightmares!
oh yeah, thanks for the fries melody. next time no need to buy ok! i can do without lunch, just fine. besides, i ate so much during school lah.
i froze on the bus on the way home today. i tried to sleep but oculdn't. i just kept thinking about that fly :D
this is a very random entry. -shurgs.
how should i go to school tmr? hmmmhmmm.
tell me(:
6:54 PM
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
with my whole heart and soul, i hate dawn.
i decided to visit her blog, and realised she relinked. her new blog, plain and simple, but more than enough to satisfy my curiousity. and my oh my, every inch of that bloody blog reminds me of NL. look at how she signs off her posts! ROAR. and then i started reading her posts, nothing much of the ordinary, mainly about her life just like what all the rest of us blog about. and then i read on somemore, then i came to the very interesting parts.
there's one post about NL. i read everything, and i just feel like screaming into her bloody face. dont get me wrong, i dont dislike her because of her current occuptation. i just cannot stand her character. how she treats ME ; so things happened in the past, now she's the lucky girl, why be jealous of me? i've called her hphouse phone at LEAST 3 times for the sake of communication b/w both of them, yet there's not a words of thanks. she merely says " k, bye" and puts down the phone hurriedly everytime i call.
ok, so maybe im the inconsequential character in this story. so how about the way she treats NL then? c'mon, 8months and not one fucking meeting? sore eyes, fever, grounded by parents, EXCUSES galore. and what a coincidence, she's always sick whenever they are supposed to go out. i really feel sorry for NL, really. all the sweet words, sweet testimonials, sweet msges, sweet phone calls, but not one bloody meeting, turned down every single time. how sad, tsk.
too bad she doesn't know that i've gone behind the scenes so many times, trying to help NL and just lend my tired listening ear to endless stream of things that seem to go wrong b/w them.
i dont know why im getting so worked up over this, afterall, i should be pretty damned used to this by now shouldn't i?
dawn ain't stupid, but she sure is oblivious about why NL has never shouted at her nor blown up. and damn it, i hate it that she takes full advantage of that fact.
and sure she thinks she knows NL by the back of her hand. im sure she does, but guess what, i know NL by the back of BOTH MY HANDS. she's known NL for merely 8months. heh, guess what dawney, i've known NL for 2 bloody years dear.
and just before i read all this from dawney's blog, guess who called me? :D but damn it, i've got tuition later, how am i supposed to go to orchard this afternoon!
i've no mood to take a nap after reading all that and blogging all this out. ROAR.
other reason why i dislike dawn to the ultimate -
1) she's smart with good results, damn good results.
2) even though she's not in any sports as her CCA, she can run her 2.4km in 10mins plus. DAMN.
3) her connection with NL
4) she's skinny, 47kg at 1.7m
im wso worked up right now. im gonna go for a run, something which i've avoided for a long time. then when i get home, i shall do so many situps, crunches and whatnot till i can't move anymore. let's see how hard i can run when im mad. let's see how far this fury brings me.
i hate dawn. and i just love typing the words "hate" and "dawn" in the same sentence.
my permanent scar, just tell me that you know. please.
3:16 PM
Monday, November 07, 2005
Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there.
-drops of jupiter - Train
i bothered to count again -
you're my permanent scar.
5:51 PM
Sunday, November 06, 2005
moods, tempers and tantrums.
sarcasm, shouting, screaming and hurtful words.
happy faces, smiles too wide and sugar-coated words.
sweet dreams, weird nightmares and scary thoughts.
it's all about ;
hate&love.
7:11 PM
Saturday, November 05, 2005
im back to square one, thinking im fat and masking everything up.
great.
11:34 AM
Friday, November 04, 2005
YAY. finally i can see my blog, and everyone's blogs again :D my com's super weird, i still can't go to blogskins :( now how am i supposed to change skins?
emath was okkkk today i s'pose. mrs loy's funny, sometimes. and the math sums she gave us weren't easy. how demoralising :( i TRIED to do my homework, i still dont know how to change the sign thingy, o-h-c-r-a-p.
viv and i went to the library and we got BOOKS :D oohlala, i can't wait to read my A-List. BUT very sadly, we didn't get the series! we got like PARTS of it. pffty :(
GUESS WHO JUST CAME ONLINE ? BUT MY COM CHOOSE TO KONK OUT ON ME NOW.
i can't fit into a size6. how depressing. i dont care, im gonna find some way to lose weight and shrink my bloody treetrunk sized thighs.
- no soft drinks - no chips - no fast food - no junk food - LOST of excersice
:D
ok, someone help me do a nice skin and help me move to diary-x PLEASE.
superfly (: <3
6:27 PM
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
im only allowed half an hour on the com per day. PFFT. oh well, i've only got myself to blame, so i'll just shut up about it then.
and viv, my previous entry was NOT random what! ok fine, maybe just a LITTLE.
i was dreading trng so much, but it turned out that there was none since it was POURING CATS&DOGS&COWS&PIGS. we didn't even manage to get to the court at GeylangSerai since we got stuck in school. i got a cold and couldn't stop sneezing when i got home. PFFTY.
thanks melody for the BIG BREAKFAST. and dont worry, nothing much happened when i got back.
oh yeah, to all ;send all emails to rachelong90@gmail.com ok? im sick and tired of using hotmail. bloody hell, i have 42 NEW messages today! and only TWO of the 42 are from my contacts.
deepavali lunch at Elan's place was good. really good food, and adorable dogs there too. :D roxy and spike!
im still full from lunch, i dont know how im gonna have a deepavali dinner at 7pm later. OOF.
10 more minutes left.
oh GREAT. my big mouth just said TOO much again. HOW HOW NOW? slap me pleae, ugh, just slap me.
and the bottom line is ; im not gonna ruin anything between anyone. im trying not to dislike her just because of erm, her current occupation. there's no point. and i know, there's nothing i can do.
someone just said i was anorexic.
nothing's gonna change anything.
if only, youknew.
5:36 PM
Sunday, October 30, 2005
the revelation about dawn suddenly dawned on me.
i doubt anything i say is gonna make a difference, besides part of me doesn't want to make any difference.
i should count myself lucky that things aren't in a worse state. i'll try to be as content as i can the way things are, anything more would just be a bonus to me. i've got this sneaky feelings that my HINT got through and all those wise words that i receieved were forms of HINTs too.
(:
tuesdya's gonna be one FUN day for me! we're all going out for breakfast i think, then lunch is at dad's friends place and dinner is upstairs at our neighbour's house on the 13th floor. i HOPE i dont get a sore throat ; 2 indian meals in one day spells danger.
lucky syu told me to go call melody and ask about trng if not i wldn't have known that trng was changed from 2.30pm to 9am! and i get so pissed everytime the team just assumes that we know, even though NONE of the sec 3s were at last trng. now HOW ON EARTH are we gonna be able to be fit enough to play the B DIV matches which may start as early as JAN6TH, when all the sec 3s have extended studies for half the day.
this year flew by real quick, and next year's gonna fly by even faster. scary.
i turn 15 in less than 2 mths.
im gonna move my blog, porlly to diary-x, and i'll lock the posts that are meant for FRIENDS only yeah? i'll allow the other posts whereby im mainly bitching about school/trng, etc, to be read my ALL (inclusive of teachers). i've always thought that teachers were terribly busy people, but i never knew that included reading up on their studen'ts blogs.
my brain's a mess.
GOODBYE all.
6:47 PM
Saturday, October 29, 2005
ah so it was no coincidence after all aye. no matter how good the intentions are, wrong actions at the wrong time would just make a larger mess.
we got back our report books. i knew what kind of results to expect, so i wasn't upset abou it. what really suprised me was the comment by the teacher. it said that i was setting myself prehaps too high standards, and that i should relax more and learn to take things in a broader perspective.
school's out, but with extended studies for the next 2 weeks, it's gonna seem like we're still at school. lessons start at 0800h on most days and ends at 1330h. trng STARTS at 1430h. WHERE is there gonna be time to change, eat and rush down to geylangserai court? AND what if we end class late?
OH AND GUESS WHAT. our new principal seems to have started some changes to the school already! next year, instead of being 4-SEVENERS, we're gonna be 4-GARDENIANS. i never knew there was flower called GARDENIA. it just sounds like BREAD to me.
i FINALLY know how to play TAIDEE. viv limited me to 5 STUPID QUESTIONMS ONLY! so that really made me think, cos i cldn't ask all those "is this bigger than that" kind of questions anymore. and desptie the fact that i was the worst player amongst viv, fawn and jingchun, i had GOOD CARDS! THREE 2s'!
this year's past so fast, it'e been scary. next year it's up to the 4th floor. joy, mel, saachi, yasmin and i have already decided where we're gonna sit. bear and jingchun are sitting with us too! so that means we've got BRAINS around :D i dont know how i would survive without jingchun helping me with all the math and science this year, seriously. she's been a major help(:
tournaments may start as early as JAN6th. we've got loads of trng during november, but only 2 trng sessions in dec. how retarded is that? i predict that we're gonna get trashed upside down, again, just like how we've been trashed every year to date. oh joy.
apparently i only smiled a little that day. how demanding, a big grin indeed! :D so she couldn't make it again. i really dont like that bitch. i dont like you dawn. i really really dont.
oh yeah, im smiling widely inside(:
4:03 PM
Thursday, October 27, 2005
whatever.
my eyes have been itchy and red the whole day. horrible sore eyes.
and i dont suppose crying helps much aye.
and i'll just wait for another lucky day.
4:42 PM
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
(:
midnight phone call.
i remember everything too clearly.
my birthdays is going to be horrible this year. there's a possibility of having TRNG, CCA MEETING & TRNG all on the 27th dec. how absolutely horrid.
i dont care. i've decided.
superfly(:
4:06 PM
Monday, October 24, 2005
i dont know why i've not quit the school team when i'm so horrible at this sport.
i just hate every part of today.
and im sorry for not talking much during trng today melody.
happy belated birthday edna(:
i hate every inch of the fat&stupid me.
yeah, and how i feel doesn't matter at all DOES IT?
8:34 PM
Thursday, October 20, 2005
im done with all that crying over my emath. all i can say is : thank goodness MdmLenny isn't gonna set the O Level emath paper. i dont care! im gonna get MY A1 for EMATH O LEVELS no matter what.
chinese was a big suprise, i passed and got a B3! :D zhenglaoshi gave us this cute squirrel badge thingy as a gift, since she's going migrating for 4 years. and TANKK is teaching us next year! oh horrid.
so it's confirmed, LokeYeo is going to be principal at TJC next year. god bless the staff and pupils there. i dont see how they're gonna survive with a principal who WANTS to shut down CCAs. bye LokeYeo, dont worry, you wont be missed at all.
i got so ... annoyed yesterday. i quote : "oh yeah, DAWN WONT LIKE IT ANYWAY, so nvm we wont go lah"
i almost exploded in front of the computer. gimme a break PLEASE.
a funny incident took place on my home in the train. i stood against the glass panel near the door, stoning and looking out of the door. i was in a horrible mood and my eyes were hurting from all the crying. the train carriages were PACKED full of overseas Thai students, both boys and girls. my guess is, they're sec 1/2 since most of them were slightly taller or just about my height. this bunch of both boys and girls kept staring and giggling at me. i wondered what was going on, but was too tired to think any furthur. the teasing, laughter, giggles, and stares continued all the way till i got off. just as i alighted from the train, one of the guys waved and smiled! so THAT's what it was all about! HAHAHA! :D he really took me by suprise, and i smiled back at him(: i couldn't help but laugh to myself as i stepped out of the train, the cute Thai guy in a black tshirt who waved(:
then after that at the bus interchange, i saw vivienne too! HELLO VIVIENNE! :D
lit paper tmr, PLEASE let me get at least 30 so i can PASS my combined humanities.
i dont dare count up my points for L1R5, it's too scary. the points are gonna go sky high please!
yes, no, idontknow?
YES(:
6:04 PM
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
amath marks were horrible, but then again, exactly half the class got F9. what's WRONG with this school?
i passed chem :D getting B4 was a bonus :D :D at least all that hard work and calling jingchun at the last minute paid off :D :D :D
i got bitten by 4 mosquitoes during trng today. wont the school just fog those stupid insects away!
i declare our CCA teachers a waste of time. all they know how to do is carry that clipboard around to take our attendance. they dontk now how to go to mdm lee and speak to her about the porspect of the B DIV 2006 NOT BEING ABLE TO JOIN IN THE EAST ZONES TOURNAMENT NEXT YEAR. instead, i have to go and talk to mdm lee.
i dont believe this. there's actually a POSSIBILITY that the 4 of us (mingfang, syu, amanda and i) will not be able to play in ANY tournament in our LAST YEAR of being in the team? this is FANTASTIC. the year mingfang becomes captain, and i, vice-captain, we dont get to lead the team on court to play.
and is lokeyeo really going to TJC? if so, i pity all temasek JC students out there. we understand your pain, and as much as we wouldn't want any other human suffering lokeyeo's torture, we just can't contain our joy of her leaving the school. as far as im concerned, she's done enough damage already. GO LOKEYEO, just GO.
we're getting back emath, chinese and geog tmr. bring EXTRA TISSUES everyone!
you know what, just forget it.
9:38 PM
Monday, October 17, 2005
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELODY!
suprise surprise, i passed english. and a even bigger suprise, my parents did not faint nor shout or scold me when i told them both ss and eng marks. i see no reason to comment furthur on my marks. i've never been happy with them, and i dont know when i'll ever be satisfied.
i wanted to buy something from day and night to stem the hunger pangs that was becoming worse as the minutes went by, since i cleverly skipped recess and did not drink a sip of water sicne leaving the house at 6am. then bus135 drove by, and i boarded the bus without giving it a second thought.
i learnt something - there's no disappointment if there's no expectations in the first place.
am i stupid or stupid?
ms terry made a whole lot of people stay back today. we ended up meeting mdm lee cos terry was aught up with some parent. OH JOY! i've gotta do the plannign for sec 1 orientation AGAIN! no, im not enthusiastic about it. ROAR. and we've gotta SLEEP OVER in school this friday. the camp starts from friday after school to saturday 4.30pm. and there's TRNG on friday. i dont care, im going after trng. we've gotta bring SLEEPING BAGS.
ANYONE WHO HAS A SLEEPING BAG AND IS WILLING TO LEND IT TO ME, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! I PROMISE I'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF IT! (:
im stupid, because i dont know when enough is enough.
why dont i ever get what i want?
n i c h o l a s lim(:
6:00 PM
Sunday, October 16, 2005
thank you melody(: bowling turned out to be better than expected, the food was great and i had a good time. walking under the umbrella didn't help much, for we still got wet all the same, but that just made things more fun.
it's suddenly dawned on me that this was the first time that i've been out since exams, apart from the trips to the mall by myself or with my brother. plans were made before exams while in the midst of studying, to go out with friends, watch movies and have fun with friends. but yet now, after the exams, i rather stay at home. -the irony. as pathetic as it seems, i see no point in going all out in celebration when i know im gonna cry over my marks when i get them back. and as much of a loser i may seem to be, somehow i prefer rotting at home with a good book to read than hanging out with friends. socialising seems like a chore, i prefer to amuse myself on my own.
im panicking about receiving results tmr. it suddenly occured to me that the essay i wrote was completely out of point and totally did not answer the question. i had fever that day, but no way is mother going to allow to use that excuse for failing english and getting retained. it seems petty too doesn't it? oh rachel got a fever, that's why she did so poorly. i can just imagine my mother saying that with plenty of sarcasm in tow. i can hear her saying that, in my head. ugh, get that horrid voice out of me please. it's hopelessly useless to worry abou anythign now. everything is over and done with. i KNOW there's completely no use in worrying, and yet i fret so.
UGH, i just hate myself sometimes.
the exams have taken people away from the computer. they've taken people away from the phone, limited forms of communication with whom they rarely contact and only when they need a chat or need help to solve something.
i can't help but feel this is wrong, so terribly wrong. i rely on the one i should least rely on.
nicholas lim?(:
8:50 PM
Saturday, October 15, 2005
i called SYU and we FINALLY talked after CENTURIES aye? :D i told her all about the scary movie that the whole family watched. i shall NOT elaborate about the show any furthur, as i am STILL scared even though i watched it like 3 hrs ago. and syu wants me to let everyone know that :
i SCREAMED out loud ( like REALLY loud ) at least 4 times, and i BURST INTO TEARS twice! i was shit scared please! syu asked whether my BROTHER cried, HAHAHA. he didn't! he was clutching my mom the whole time though, while i erm .. had my fingers to my ears trying to block out every possible sound while burying my head in the pillow AND sitting beside my dad!
DONT ask me what show it is. you can go ask SYU, dont ask em. the very thought of the show, and i shudder. literally. there was one point in time whereby i screamed, then proceeded to shout "WHY MUST HOLLYWOOD PRODUCE THIS KIND OF SCARY SHIT" i was scared to BITS.
how am i gonna sleep properly tonight? the images of those killings are so VIVID in my mind. ok, i think i should stop talking about it. im scaring myself more, i've even got GOOSEBUMPS all over my arms now!
and dear ole' syu just sent me a testimonial. HAHAHA(: my com gets SO lag whenever i log into friendster, which is very rare. i actually recieved an email from Friendster - Friendster Misses You. can you beat that? goodness!
thank you for talking to me syu(: i guess i should just try harder not thinking about things too much yeah?
im tired. im yawning. but i SWEAR i wont be able to sleep. im gonna have BAD NIGHTMARES! oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO1! how how how?
yay! im talking to cherrie! :D :D :D
and that guy from GOAL whose picture is on viv's blog is SO CUTE PLEASE! i wanna watch GOAL now!
it's all that stupid scary show's fault. im still scared. POOTS. and sicne when do i gush like that about guys? i blame hollywood, pfft! :D
i KNOW im gonna get nightmares! NOOO :(((
goodnight!
9:25 PM
Friday, October 14, 2005
im in a GOOD mood! :D i finally went present-shopping today! very sadly, i had my brother as company, since he begged me to tag along. im just grateful that he's not so annoying now. HAHA(:
dad's bought ICE CREAM for everyone, for after dinner. YAY! i love ICE CREAM(: although it'll make me fat :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
i finally logged into Friendster after so long. i feel like closing down my account, i dont see the point in it at all.
dearest jiayi turns 15 tmr, so happy birthday to you dear! (:
my brother's bothering me for the computer, PFFTY.
6:04 PM
Thursday, October 13, 2005
so now i take things TOO SERIOUSLY huh? gimme a break man, steffi. so you tell me that you DIDNT mean to call him all those things that you did. GIVE ME A BREAK. even charlotte and jiayi said the same things lah! so what now? ALL OF YOU WERE JUST KIDDING? but guess what? i didnt like the JOKE one bit.
i was right, some things are just meant to be kept to
myself.
2:10 PM
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
FINALLY! :D
exams are over. mugging is over. those latenights/early mornings spent memorising stuff is over. the constant YAWNING is over.
i mugged till 12.45am for geog yesterday. i couldn't stop yawning! the geog paper was pretty ok i guess. it wasn't exactly EASY, but then again, none of our papers were easy at all.
dad rented 2 movies! YAY :D he rented some cute robot thing that my bro wants to watch and something else. (:
and OH JOY :D my brother has school tmr while i dont! but darn it, he's got 4 days of holidays next week cos of PSLE marking. FOUR days of holidays. i miss primary school, a LOT. the noisy lessons, the noisy classmates, the funny teachers. i miss them all(:
i planned to take a long pwoer nap to make up for all the lost sleep during the exam period. but somehow, now that the exams are over, i dont feel tired -.- besides, it only seems more worthwhile to take long naps on school days rather than holidays. haha.
ATTENTION EVERYONE! i LOVE MY NEW SKIN(: the prevoius one had too many SKINNY PEOPLE and i couldn't stand it any longer. RARH. the picture is sweet(: 2 young kids. HAHA.
and melody ng has a huge misconception. she thinks that i like bikinis, for the simple fact that 2 of my preivous skins had people in bikinis -.- i do not like bikinis. that is merely a fragment of her overactive imagination and contains no truth in it. and besdies, FAT people dont look good in bikinis! so how can i possibly like them huh? silly girl! HAHA(:
mum is FORCING me to finish my food now, after that scare this late morning. RARH. isn't it amazing how i can eat so little and yet feel and look so fat? pfftylala
it's 3.30pm now, but it feels like 5plus in the afternoon.
i need a good book. i shall pop by the library tmr :D i love reading! im dying with no good book to read now. :(
i fear this happiness of new found freedom is going to be short lived. for next monday, the return of our exam scripts mark the begining of the horrors soon to follow. by any chance and the grace of hope, i'll scrape through most of the papers. i know that failing amath and {very sad} emath is inevitable. scoring any As is almost impossible, but i'll just cross my fingers all the same.
YAWN 3.38pm yes, im tired.
i hope that tonight i shall not be provoked in lalaland, as i was last night. amusing and entertaining they may be to the listener (in this case, melody), but they provoke me in my sleep and make me wake up all irritable and moody. not a good start to a day aye?
happy short holidays to everyone! let's enjoy this very well deserved break for a few days before we have to return to our jail, run by lokeyeo and her wardens.
/shall i just pretend?
3:05 PM
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
i slept at 8.45pm last night, and i had a one hr nap from 6-7pm mind you! i guess those late nights or rather, early mornings have finally caught up with me. i averaged 3 hrs of sleep per day and im starting to feel the effect of that now.
i woke up this morning still really tired, but it was much needed rest all the same.
during my 8.5hr sleep, i had a very nice dream. it's queer how such nice dreams can follow after what happened in the afternoon. it's never the words that hurt, but how their said. it's never the act of speaking, but from who those words come from.
thankyou to viv for letting me listen to your music on the way home. i tried to study on the bus, but gave up. it wasn't because the bunch of sec 2 girls were happily noisily laughing their heads off, nor was it because the chai chee sec boys at the back were making one hell of a racket. my mind just kept drifting off .. i looked at my geog text, read the words there, but thought about other things instead.
i shouldn't be on the computer now. where has my self-restraint and control all gone? i did not come to the computer to blog about today's events, or listen to music {both of which i am currently shamelessly doing}, but to look for something on the net.
this uncanny urge to read the testimonials between them suddenly came over me. but now as i sit here typing this, i can't bring myself to log into Friendster and start reading. it's not like reading those is going to help. i KNOW it's not. im past the stage of being hurt, but yet this feeling keeps creeping over me ..
i take back what i said yesterday. i do not hate nicholas lim. that would be contradicting myself wouldn't it?
maybe ... some other time perhaps.
2:10 PM
Monday, October 10, 2005
it is an understatment to say that the emaths paper was difficult. inhuman, is a far more suitable and realistic word.
mrs hoy set emath paper 1, and with the mentality that 25% of every class should fail. her paper was actually simplified by ms liu, and on the whole, far more do-able than mdm lenny's paper 2. can anyone imagine if ms liu did not have the heart to simplify our paper a little?
it is very wrong to say that i did not practice, and thus i could not manage the paper. terribly incorrect. i went for mrs hoy's remedials, looked for her during recess for some help, did questions from the textbk and the TYS. and YET, i could hardly do the paper.
it puzzles me to find that our finals year paper's standard is of such a great difference to that 2 yrs back. we practiced both the 2003 and 2004 final year paper, and i KNOW i passed with at least a B for both.
i understand if the teachers want to set a hard and challenging paper, so that we wont take this subject lightly but see the importance of practicing. but, today's paper was too much. judging by the number of people who cried and the number of brainy students who found the paper hard, i daresay that more than 1/4 of each class would fail.
i never had any interest in math, for the simple fact that i took a very long time to grasp concepts and could never apply them during the exams. but after managing to pull my grades up from a fail to an A in term 2, i had a huge boost to my non-existent confidence. i had some hope of passing finals, but every ounce of that hope has been extinguished.
mdm lenny apparently told steffi's class that doing TYS would be pointless, as it was easy compared to her paper. she told them to do "tuition work" instead. does she not know that NOT EVERYONE HAS EMATH TUITION? isnt the TEACHERS jobs to provide us with these sort of difficult questions for us to do and expose ourselves to?
mrs hoy said that our school's emath standard is just slightly harder than that of the Olevels. i hope that she was not saying that just to scare us into working harder, because i'll just give up on ever practicing for emath every again.
i cried after the exam ; not because i did not practice and i knew i was going to fail, but because i practiced so much and i know i wont do well. NOTE : i did not use the word "fail", as i am sincerely hoping against hope that i can pass ELEMENTARY math.
this exam certaintly speaks volume about our school. throughout the year, our emath tests have NEVER been this hard. do they give us easier tests so that we can score and then do badly during our terribly hard finals? if so, that is the worst approach i have ever known.
im quite certain that if we were to complain to the teachers about setting us such a hard paper, they'll scold us again for putting the blame on them and not ourselves. to them, they set hard papers but as long as we study, they should be manageable. if their term of manageable means to fail or borderline pass, than everything makes much more sense of course.
i should be studying my geog right now, doing TYSMCQs in preperation for wed's paper. most unfortunately, my over-taxed brain is fully saturated and cannot absorb anything more unless i clear my mind for more memory space.
as time goes by, i regret coming to this school more and more. this is of no relevance.
it's hard not to let today's paper affect me. if i can't pass ELEMENTARY math, i fear i can pass much else.
my mother is currently lecturing me on how i should be doing chinese assesment or geog instead of on the com doing something "completely irrelevant" to finals. won't my dear mommy just shut her piehole and leave me alone.
im not going to go out after exams to rejoice. i see no reason to rejoice for a few days then come back to school and receive the horrors of my poor marks.
on another brighter note, lit paper was good. it was far better than emath anyhow. i choce quesitons 1a and 3. i chose poem over prose, and i hope that i made the right choice. i plead to mrs caroline loe to mark our literature elect scripts with a light heart and good nature. kindly feel free to spread the love of marks to us.
im getting stares and sarcastic irritating glance from my mother. i shall vamoosh from here before she engulfs me in another one of her lectures, which i feel i will not tolerate especially today.
i ate 3 biscuits after lunch, and now i feel like the fattest girl on this planet.
the giddy spells have arrived, and so has the urge to run to the toilet to vomit.
and nicholas lim, you dont have to be such an asshole talking to me like that you know.
someone, find me the seclusion i need.
4:04 PM
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
last night, i lost total control of myself. scary. i scare myself.
i get tired so easily, and i know i've only got myself to blame. i had 3 hours of sleep max everyday for the whole of last week. the amount of work we have plus studying cannot be accomplished within the 24hrs we have.
now i know why i never liked to talk about things. it was because : i got hurt by the remarks people made. their cutting remarks, the assumptions they made. what was the point of sharing when all it did was made me feel even worse?
and so .. what do you do when you're happy thoughts are the dark ones.
3:15 PM
Monday, September 26, 2005the room darkens, the clouds grow near.
the trees whisper noisily, the leaves sweep the ground.
the sky is streaked with white, i hear the roll of thunder in the faraway.
starting in light drizzles, the droplets get larger.
it starts to fall in sheets, slanting in the direction of the wind.
the rain, has finally come.
friends exude happiness and laughs. this joy of being with them, seems to overshadow any form of unhappiness and worries that often clutter my mind. i do enjoy being around them, the silly things we do, the stupid things we talk about, the daily dosages of teasing we feed each other. and for those minutes that we share, im truely happy.
once i step into home, there's this automatic change in me. everything seems so negative, so angry, and hurtful. i cannot help but worry. i become sadder and grumpier. my headaches and colds come, the fever spells too.
it's a wonder what friends can do to you. they are a cure of all sorts, which works wonders.
until i next see them, let me sew myself shut, in this place called home.
5:33 PM
Saturday, September 24, 2005
there's no consideration at all. how was i supposed to feel?
i dont think there'll ever be a definition to love. and besides, it doesn't need one.
love is .. whaterever it is.
i dont need to know.
i've every right to be angry.
tempers fly 24/7.
as stupid as it seems. i dont care. as pointless as it seems too. i dont care either.
seclusion.
i love -
11:16 AM
Friday, September 23, 2005
get well soon charlotte(:
lesson's were fine. malv lim didnt come. oh joy, i used the time to study bio. i didn't sleep at all today, finally after so many days of morning naps.
i could barely open my eyes this morning. my eyes hurt like hell. er .. cos i slept at 2.10am. gahh.
i had laksa for recess. i had a ham sandwich and cereals at home. and i swear never to eat laksa in another 50 years time. think ; FAT. im getting fatter by the minute, i swear.
ooh lala. steffi and i spotted eyecandy while we were on the bus. tkss guy, she said. i can't rmb how he looks already. HAHA, someone occupies too much memory space(:
exam briefing was stupid waste of my time sick shyte. mrs william is the lamest person on earth. why the hell was she doing the talking. she was talking to us as though we were a bunch of pri school kids. c'mon lah, we've all sat for exams before. she kept referring to the sec 1s. like wth?! they just took psle last year right. STUPID.
kong almost scolded steffi, jiayi and i . then when she walked away, all 3 of us looked at each other and laughed. stupid kong.
we took 135 home, alemak. no one on the bus again. :( :( :( :(
exams are next friday. oh-my-god.
im waiting for my phone to ring please.
my eyelids are drooping already. YAWN. 5.20pm
oh yea. im so sorry melody. i've not written your letter yet. sorry. i'll pass it to you soon yea.
